Five Steps to Bad Mothering

Your first step to bad mothering is to wait until your child is three months old, and looks super different from when he was born to have your first photo shoot.

Secondly you are afraid of taking photos of your child period because you worry people will look at them and say, its too bad that mom stinks at taking photos because that baby is as cute as a cuddly kitten.

Third, you eat chocolate sometimes even though it makes him throw up because he smiles while he throws up and you REALLY needed it.

Number four, you let your child remain in a onsie that has been saturated in more than two body fluids throughout the day.

Last, you blog while he is cooing and smiling and just begging for your attention two feet away from you.

Cuter Together

Than just about anything I've ever seen.

                                       I'm a little bit full of joy about the big one being back.

I call it....

The Swoon

Personalities X A Big Number

I know I have written a few times about Husband's Entertainment Habits. Here too.

I was browsing my cell phone pictures the other day.

As I got farther into the archives of my phone, a realization settled in on me.

I am quite certain husband has Multiple Personality Disorder.

These personalities sneakily take over him at the most unexpected times.

Caption precedes the picture.

Let me introduce you to....

Martha Stewart Chesley.....

Lunch Lady Chesley....He's sassy

Mint Condish, still in the box Chesley

 

Couch Model Chesley...needless to say, they sold out of that couch.

Monkey trainer Chesley

Nerdy Blue Steel Chesley

My most favorite of all...

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.

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Pirate Chesley

There was a picture of Cross Dresser Chesley...

But I could not bring myself to post it.

Maverik might see it.

I don't want to explain.

Look at the poo poo!

Before becoming a mother I had all kinds of expectations for myself. One of these expectations is that I would not use ridiculous baby talk to interact with my child.

You know the kind with the high pitched voice and slurred consonants?

I've had a child now. I do it. You'll all do it. Its like a reflex.

Here are the few of the things I've found myself saying, or considered saying in my highest vocal registers to a little boy who has no idea what I'm saying, and no way to protest

     Warning: a large number of these have to do with bowel movements.

Also, why does referring to myself in the third person seem to happen so much more now?

     Why are you breathing like a troll?

     Come here you pooper scooper!

     Okay Mr. Drama Queen, lets take our whiny pants of.

     Lets take care of this poop on the bum problem!

     Who is the handsomest boy in the world?

    Lets not shoot mom in the face with that!

...and many more.

This is the usual response....