02 October 2013

How I apply comic books to real life.

Kryptonite. It is not a real thing. But it's totally a real thing.

I differ in many ways from Kryptonite's original victim. Wearing my underwear under my clothes and understanding that glasses are not an effective disguise are just the beginning of that list. 

This list is just about Kryptonite. The fact that the man of steel only has one weakness is totally proof of his superness.

This is a list of my brands of Kryptonite. They are many. Here are five of them.


Cookies: you guys are aware if this. I talk about food often, and cookies are in my mind and in my belly particularly often. I have a problem. Seeking cookie counseling. I could really eat an entire dozen cookies without even pausing to consider the fact that it isn't good for me, and sometimes I get curious about how many I could eat before I get sick.

Head massage: That thing the wicked witch does when they throw water on her at the end of Wizard of Oz? I do that, except with happy ooooh's and aaaaaah's, slobber coming forth from the corner of my mouth, and crossed eyes. I puddlefy on the spot. A guy that was once interested in me discovered this, and used it as a party trick a couple of times. As in, hey guys, watch this... I become an instantaneous puddle. I didn't think it was very funny. Just very awkward. We didn't date.

Shoes: a typical womanly weakness. Here's the thing, the right shoes can make a bland outfit feel unique or spunky. This is important to me. I hate feeling meh, bleh, blah, or pleh. Shoes are an easy way to avoid that. And it is hard to be too chubby for shoes....unless we are talking about knee length boots. I can never zip those up over my (not even that big) legs. A topic for not right now. In short, shoes can be a quick way to just feel a little better about the world.

Soft Serve Swirl Cones: Yes, another food item makes my top five list of weaknesses. This particular weakness brings on the side of me that C refers to as "baby Karlie". I will mow right over old people on the sidewalk if there is a soft serve place in sight. My voice suddenly jumps up an octave  and my vocabulary shrinks to mostly squeals and laughs. I'm not kidding. Something just...comes over me. The ice cream bliss. Swirl cones in Cars Land and Charlie's in Logan are tied for the win.

HGTV: I argue that this is useful. I have learned SO much about what I want in a home as far as design and aesthetics than I ever would have figured out watching The Walking Dead (ugh) or Community, or trying to figure it out without television or pinterest (can you IMAGINE?). It doesn't hurt that the Income Property guy is the real life Flynn Rider, Property brothers are so cute, and Kitchen Cousins....well who doesn't visually enjoy them. 

Kryptonite. It's a real thing.

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