I am Shameless

So I have to post M's one year portraits. I love them.

*Disclaimers

I am not a professional.

I took about 75 pictures, and these five are the best. Yes, I know a couple of them are not completely in focus. Oops.

One year old children are not the most cooperative subjects to work with (I forgot the treats. facepalm.)

I don't have photoshop, and don't know how to use it anyway.

Drumroll:

Breaking the first rule of time.

My enviably lovely friend Lacy wrote a post today that I completely love, so I decided to take a shot at being as lovely as she is by copying her (form of flattery...right?). 

To my 16 year old self,

Don't feel so intimidated by those "attractive" boys in the grade above you. You think that they think that you are a nerdy loser (wordy much?), but they don't think of you at all. Which is a-okay.

Be a little more reliable. I know you want to see everyone and go to everything, but your friends are going to tease you for years about being the flaky one. But, they will also stick around forever.

Please don't wear those cut off tights beneath your knee length shorts because you are embarrassed of your legs. You will get tired of people asking if you are a burn patient. Also,your legs aren't nearly as ugly as you think they are.

Those overalls you think are cool, really are pretty cool, but get them in a long.

Don't be sad that you don't have a boyfriend. You have the best and sweetest guy friends in the world, and you will date later. You'll have a boyfriend next year for a little while, and it isn't nearly as fun. Enjoy the freedom of being close to so many wonderful people in an unattached way.

Make more time to talk with your girlfriends. You will wish you had worried more about them and less about yourself.

Enjoy the crap out of that music. You will never be immersed in it like that again, and you will ache for it. Go for more solo's and sing louder with the radio because your voice will be out of practice before you know it.

Don't let anyone dissuade you from wearing that purple choir robe in your school picture. It totally goes with the parrot ear rings.

Also, try not to go outside looking like this.

How love and belly button lint connect

Lets talk about love for a minute.

I keep seeing things in books, television, and movies, that try to suggest that love and attraction should start as an intense, irresistible chemistry, and that the intensity should never fade. 

Your skin should burn every time his skin touches your skin. Even when his elbow accidentally touches your arm because he is taking way too wide of an eating berth at the table. Smoldery burniness along side ,"please pass the salt". 

Stephanie Meyer tells lies. Hollywood tells lies. Karen Carpenter tells lies.

I love Karen Carpenter as much as anyone, but she sometimes sings untruths with that buttery voice. Lies stolen from Barry Manilow. 

I was singing this song while doing dishes the other day, and realized how awful the lyrics are:

At any moment he'll be walking through that doorBut he won't find me behind it'Cause the feeling is gone and just won't come back any moreI worked so hard to find it
I've been up, down, tryin' to get the feeling againAll around tryin' to get the feeling againThat one that made me shiverMake my knees start to quiver every time he walks in
I've read every book, looked for every meditation and poemJust to bring home that old sweet sensationBut it ain't no use to me to try to get the feelingI wanna get that feeling again

KJ Translates: (ahem) I am going to disappear mysteriously from your life because you aren't exciting anymore. I don't get all melty around you. I miss feeling melty. I haven't really liked you for a while now, so I read a couple meditation books about how to find you exciting again, but they were garbage. Ciao.

 What rubbish!


C and I never had this burning, irresistible chemistry. You may not believe it
when you see this picture from his junior year in high school....who could not feel warm fuzziness in their hearts while looking at that?!

Adorable even underneath that permed mop. I digress, as usual. 

Anyway, we were just two people who got along really well,(after a few months of me grudgingly holding on to an unfounded dislike) gave dating a try, and here we are! Love is vital to my life, and can be so exciting, but it isn't all fireworks and passion (maybe I'm missing out? But it actually sounds exhausing).

Love is eating your own pride for breakfast, and trying to keep it down for the rest of day.  

Love is NOT running when the newness and excitement wears off, and it will. I am not saying that relationships can't start with sparks and that knee quivery feeling, but realize that it wears off! Besides, you would end up with really bad knees, and probably get annoyed if it didn't wear off.  

Love is making yourself hold his hand in the car when you are super mad because you know you can't stay mad too long that way. 

Love is learning to not freak out when he throws is belly button lint into your hair because he knows it freaks you out. He kills the big bugs, so...

*disclaimer for C's benefit. He has done this only one and a half times. It was so traumatic that he will never live it down.

Point: Don't read Stephanie Meyer or watch any movie ever again. Pfff. Yeah right. Watch those delightful romantic comedies. Read those silly, books if you must. Enjoy them while recognizing that they pretty much don't portray any part of reality.

Use them to escape, and don't get too upset when belly button lint floating in front of your face pulls you back into a real and loving reality. 

I can't help myself. Birthday Boy Overload.

This is not really happening, but for those in denial...

Whoever let my baby reach his first birthday this fast may find my finger in their eye....as soon as I track 'em down.

I don't consider myself to be a super emotional person, (unless appetite counts as an emotion), so I have been surprised to find myself feeling "verklempt", as my father always put it, about today. 

There are a lot of phrases that have been said too often for too long, but as I have stepped, rather reluctantly, into adulthood, I understand why this is sometimes the case. They are often true.

The fact that time passes so quickly that we can't seem to grasp at it is one of these over-stated things. I have said it before, but it only becomes more true.

So, here is to the boy who sped my time up even more. The boy who made me a mom. The boy whose boogers I wipe willingly onto my own pants. The boy that has eaten the corners of all our cardboard books. The boy who loves is daddy the very best. The boy with dimples. Here is to my little boy.

I love you. Happy Birthday Darling.

I am a little bit late

and a little cliché, but if you read me often, you are used to that by now.

This is my daddy:

and this is mi corozón: 

Happy Father's Day. 

Its pretty much a dress

I was probably a lot more excited than was necessary when I received a lava-lava in the mail today. It was a surprise from a friend.

I had instagramed my joy within minutes. You can see it here. Don't mind the slobber on the mirror. Its tasty.

We are a lava lava loving family. The Lewis' love lava-lavas. Oh alliteration (there I go again).  Tying mine on made me think of a post I wrote a while back.

Throw back Thursday is a thing right? Well, I'm throwin it back in honor of the lava-lava.

Click Here

Bedtime Conversations: A Mini - Monologue

Dinner eaten. Bed time stories in progress. C cleaning up dinner after math.

I hear a drawer open. 

"My arch-nemesis. We meet again." 

He really hates the plastic wrap. But I will keep him.

This Book: Chapter Four

I finally got to the next chapter in Neal A's book. It. Is. Phenomenal. 

If it wasn't obnoxious I would just type out the entire chapter. 

If you haven't read any of the previous posts on "Meek and Lowly", click on the meek and lowly label at the bottom of this post, and start at the beginning. 

This chapter is titled "The Deadly Sin of Pride". I was cringing going in to it because I know pride is one of my problems. I'm working on it. Here are a few of my favorite excerpts. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

"Just as meekness is in all our virtues so pride is in all our sins"

"The pervasiveness of pride and the degree to which it is persistent in our lives must ever put us on guard, reminding us, as did Paul, not to be 'highminded, 'for we stand by faith.' (Romans 11:20.) Faith dissolves very quickly when meekness disappears and pride takes over."

"One reason to be particularly on guard against pride is that 'the devilish strategy of Pride is that it attacks us, not in our weakest points, but in our strongest. It is preeminently the sin of the noble mind.' Not only of the noble mind, but also of the semirighteious."

"Pride can begin incipiently and gradually, but with frightening prospects, as Joseph Smith pointed out: 'The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power."

"It is a heroic thing for individuals to reverse themselves, their attitudes, and their patterns of behavior in order to pursue discipleship." 

"Self-control depend upon meekness....A furious man is out of control. Individuals who are meek may not always decipher what is happening to them or around them; however, even though they do not 'know the meaning of all things,' they know that the Lord loves them.' (1 Nephi 11:17) They may feel overwhelmed, but they are not out of control. In those moments, it is important for us to remember His counsel: 'Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)"

"There are many persons just waiting to be offended; certain they will not be treated fairly, they almost invite the verification of their expectation."

"The meek man, is the man of complete self-mastery"

"Rocks of offense or stones of stumbling keep the proud from making spiritual progress. No less destructive is what might be called the gravel of grumpiness, which keeps us off balance and annoyingly turns ankles. Even though we do not fully fall or stumble, we progress more slowly, painfully, and fitfully. The meek, however, make stepping-stones of stumbling blocks."

"Those who fear losing face cannot have [Christ's] image in their countenances" (Almost 5:14).

"Arrogance and disobedience are cellmates."

"Those who boast of their independence from God are like the goldfish in a bowl who regards himself as self-sufficient."

"Nor is spiritual learning automatically at odds with secular learning; it simply goes beyond."

"Being more open to the truth, the meek are more free, while the proud are compassed about with glitzed self sufficiency."

"Those who are meek are also unthreatened in their own commitment merely because others do not make that same commitment."

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

There was SO much more I could have put here. Seriously amazing stuff. 

What do you think about these quotes from Elder Maxwell?

I may fail

One of my life goals is to become a fluent conversationalist.

I have talked about my awkward conversation quirks before, and my difficulty in keeping up flowing conversation is something that causes me to face palm regularly. I can't tell you the number of times I have walked away from conversations with new people wanting to stick pins into my eyes.

I hope I never meet any celebrities for which I have any admiration, because I am pretty sure they would walk away thinking I was a complete moron. 

Seriously, it is a miracle I can function in the adult world.

There is one question that people ask that I dread and trip over more than any of the others. It should be simple enough to answer. Its not. 

Let me walk you through my mental fall apart.

"So, what do you like to do?"

Brain: Crap. I only like to read. I mean I LIKE to do other things but I am either not good at them, or don't do them regularly enough to feel honest in announcing it as a frequented activity.

Me: Oh, not very much. I like to read and blog, but I pretty much just hang out with Maverik all day. Being a mom takes a lot of time.

Brain: Why don't I do anything cool! I want this person to think I am somewhat interesting, but I sound so UN-interesting. Its not like I can say I like skydiving, I've only been one time.I need to start being artistic or crafty so I can talk about making something....or something. I like going outside, hiking, boating, but am not like super-granola or anything. I made a jean quilt once, but it is falling apart now. I eat processed foods, not healthy conversation topics. They don't have a child, so I can't talk about baby things. Do I think about anything other than poop and nap time anymore? Oh, M is trying to eat the table.

conversation lulls.

Me: awkward smile. act like I need something in my purse or like I got a text message. Talk to M as if her were actually listening, and it is very important. 

Brain: Oh, I guess I could return the question? But, has it lulled too long now? Will I be blurting it out of nowhere at this point?

Me: Become very intent on my meal, and make sure you swallow before you talk if they ask you something else.



I'm hopeless. Anyone out there give smooth talker lessons?

It doesn't really count as deception....

Abilities. Skills, if you will. Yesterday I mentioned that I have some. 

I want to mention one of these skills. I noticed it a couple of weeks ago, and had been building it up and perfecting it for sometime without noticing. I'm good. 

I can spend an entire day making messes in the apartment with M (that isn't the skill, but I am really good at it). We spread toys from one end of the apartment to the other, fill the sink with dishes, unroll the toilet paper, smear food all over the table, etc. At some point in the day I look at the clock and notice it is 4:50. Ches will be home in approximately 20 minutes. 

Skill: I take out the garbage that should have been taken out yesterday, wipe down the table and high chair, throw the toys back in their basket, put the new toilet paper roll on the rod instead of the back of the toilet, wash a sink full of dishes, change the baby out of his pajamas....and voila. I finish JUST in time for that face to walk in the door. To him, it seems that I have been on the ball for an entire day. 

If I had this any more honed I would be slow motion running to him in my heels and pearls welcoming him home to the steak and potatoes that are waiting hot and steamy on the table. 


Also, can you see why I am obsessed with this picture? 

What secret skills do you have?

you should love yourself because I said so, and some other reasons

I had a very lovely and much needed girls night out this weekend. Isn't it amazing to talk, laugh, and just interact with other women ?! Don't get me wrong, I am a F-A-N (I reeeeally like them) of men, but women need women too.

There were ten of us sitting at the chef's table at Olives, and I can assure you that the conversation was delightful, and the laughter free. We talked about hair while I tried to convert everyone to dry shampoo, watching your children grow, and how weird it was that bread is so addicting when it is so simple. 

At one point they had me talking about my family, and how we each seem to have a different niche, and how it is so easy to be jealous when a talent or ability (or in my brother Shane's case just being beautiful) comes so effortlessly. I began to think about how desperately women have fought at times to feel like their lives were as exciting or beautiful as the lives of people whose blogs they follow, or whose posts they see on facebook and instagram.  

To counter this, I made this list:

1. It sounds cliche, but I am the only person exactly like me! I may not be an interesting person because I have been to amazing places, or done a lot of cool things. But, I am an interesting person because of my thoughts, quirks, and the way I express myself.

                

2. As women we simply deserve to feel pretty and loveable. I am aware that may sound too simple minded, but I believe it with all of my heart. Each of us has something about us that is beautiful. What I have to offer the world may not be as big or public as what some other women offer, but I have people to whom I am more important than any of those other women. So do you. That isn't to say that they or what they do aren't valuable, but you can not base your worth or beauty off of that of other people. Also, when your husband, boyfriend, best friend, or someone that truly knows and loves you tells you that you are beautiful, BELIEVE THEM.

3. I have some stellar abilities. I can't draw like my sister, make music like my brother, or compare to another brother's quick wit, but I have my own stuff. I am good at making people feel comfortable. I have a stellar British accent. I am good at resolving disputes peacefully. I have an artistic eye. Abilities. I have them. You have them.

4. My body does everything for me that I need. My relationship with my body is long and very much resembles what you would see on a heart monitor. I have  felt too big since middle school (haven't we all), my nose is big and has a weird shape, I have poop brown eyes, can you say man hands?...on and on I hashed at my body. Only in the last few months decided that I actually like my body. I like my body despite that fact that I am as big as I ever was, not counting pregnant me, and have serious scarring from that pregnancy. I look just fine in a size 12. If you struggle with your body, at least be aware and thankful of what it does for you. That will help you to appreciate it a little more. 

I can get off of my soap box now, but I would love to hear how you have reminded yourself that you are important and brilliant even when the pictures you post on facebook never seem to be as perfect as that one girl with which you went to high school....? 

Lets help each other out! Spread the love! Leave me a comment and post a pretty picture of you today!