Letters

Dear Hannah and Lacy

Thank you for letting me copy you. I like you.



Dear Bangs
Please stop blowing apart in the middle so that I look like I have drawn back curtain on my face.


Dear Gym
Will you stop being so unappealing please? Right now the couch is totally beating you.

Dear Favorite Yellow Shoes
I am sorry I had to leave you outside. If you had been more conducive to sock-wearing I might be able to keep you in my closet.



Dear Internet
You should reach just a tiny bit farther into my front room, so I can preserve my toosh from this unfriendly cement slab that is my front step.


Dear Pinky Toe
I am so sorry that half of your nail came off. The edge of that couch was closer than I calculated.

Dear Sunshine on My Face
You feel nice.



Dear Freezer
I am so glad that you are holding some pecan caramel ice cream for me. How nice.

Dear Chenyl and Mark Sam
I miss you. But mostly Chenyl. But I guess Mark Sam too....



because although I don't particularly miss this....


I miss this


And this.....VERY much



Dear Helicopter
Please be good while husband is flying you. I am rather fond of him, and would like him to be around long enough to see me become a good cook, so...a long time. And besides...


He's so....spectacular

My Sugar Free Day

Oh, those tootie fruties are so small that it doesn't even count as sugar

...even after I've eaten 43 of them.

Its my BIRTHDAY cake. I HAVE to finish it. It really doesn't count against my sugar points because it was for my birthday. You can't gain pounds or inches from something that came from your birthday. It would be immoral.

That last nectarine really needed to be slathered in whipped cream while I ate it. It was a little mushy, plus the positive fruit-ness of the nectarine TOTALLY canceled out the sweet in the whipped cream. It's practically all air anyway. All the substance came from the fruit.

I clearly needed the fruit to counteract the cheese that was in my quesadilla , and I really couldn't have eaten the fruit alone because it was mushy, so really.... the whipped cream was completely necessary.

....maybe I'll do better tomorrow

This is a fear causer that frequents my life

I know, KNOW, and am certain, positive and certain that if I use the handicap stall in the bathroom, a person in a wheelchair is going to come in, have to go super bad, and not have anywhere to go because I am manning the stall. They will sit there, and when I walk out they will stare at me, then look at all the other empty regular stalls, and look back and forth and back and forth, getting angrier and angrier (meanwhile I just stand there with an awkward look on my face, really just concentrating on trying to remember if I zipped up my fly), and then they will yell at me about how insensitive I am, and proceed to beat me with a cane.

I honestly have this visual every time I consider using the handicap stall, whether it be because the others are taken, or because their previous occupants forgot to do jumping jacks in the stall before they left to trigger the motion sensor flusher thingies.

So I wait, or flush first.

Then, during my stay in my stall, I ALWAYS contemplate the fact that people in wheel chairs do not in fact carry canes.

Everything Smells....no really, it does.

Have you ever noticed that your cousins family has their own smell? And that cousin smells different from the other cousin on the same side, but also different from the cousin on the other side. Grandparents have their own smell too.

Schools have a learning smell.

Stores have a new smell.

My church has that old churchy smell, like the gym floor has been varnished over and over and over and over.

I always wondered what my families smell was when I was growing up, but of course it is my own smell, so I couldn't ever smell it. It drove me nuts. So I stuck my nose deep into one of the clean sheets that had been sitting in the sheet cubby for a while now, and after consulting with a cousin, decided that must be my families smell. Not too bad.

Fall has a crispy smell.

Spring smells wet.

I have never smelled winter because every time I try, it just freezes my snot up into my brain. I stopped trying that one after a while.

The beginning of my marriage smells like varnished wood.

Cows smell like home.

Mosquito spray smells like relief.

A swimming pool smells like hot.

Reason for this post.....big news.....
Kimee says Ches and I already have our smell! She says it is good :) I don't think our sheets have been in the closet long enough for me to know what it is yet...

Jelly Beans

Usually almost always consistently just about at least once a day I get to feel like this



What does this feel like you ask? I will tell you.

Like I am the most delicious, hilarious, wonderful, beautiful, desirable, spontaneous, voluptuous woman in the entire world.

All of those are good things.

I am SO lucky that even if it is for 5 seconds, husband makes me feel like this at least once every day.

If your husband doesn't do this, sick a jelly bean up his nose. (Mike N' Ike's work as a decent substitute).