How I am like a river fish

I have been labeled as a 'hipster' several times over the last month or two. It must be the thick rimmed glasses, and total disregard for how colors and patterns were meant to be put together.  And, I definitely have hips. If I like something, I wear it. The label doesn't offend me at all, but I don't drink coffee, so that is an automatic out. 

My brother and I had an interesting conversation after someone asked me if I considered myself to be hipster. This question always confuses me. I usually find myself making a confused face and saying, "I don't think so...?" We talked about what being a hipster actually means. We came to the conclusion that being hipster basically means liking things because no one else does. Hipsters are trying to be the salmon of our society, swimming against the current of all of the social facets you can imagine: music, food, politics, books, movies, fashion, education,aaaaaaand the list could be endless. An important word here is trying. All of a sudden hipsters became popular, and now swim in multitudes, pretty much creating a counter current, but I digress....

My Salmony tendencies:

 I love discovering music before it goes mainstream. Then, if they do get widely discovered and wonderful songs get overhashed on the raido, I go through a period of mourning. I feel like a lot of artists loose their center when they go mainstream.

I have been getting seriously upset about the sudden immense popularity of my most beloved television series. I don't even want to tell you what it is because I can just see some of you rolling your eyes and thinking," Oh, just another person on THAT annoying bandwagon." But seriously. I loved the Doctor before this huge fan wave hit America. I have this completely unjustified sense of ownership for Doctor Who. So, I'll just wear my Dalek socks and pretend like its still 2008.

And that about ends it. Two. I have two hipster tendencies. Well, three if you count my fashion choices. 

So, hurrah to thick rims, slouchy hats, plaid, and all other patterned things.

                           

just today

I remembered that I once confused the words 'pubic' and 'cuticle'....horrifying. 

Don't ask me why.

Perhaps its the same reason I have to think for at lease 15 seconds before I can differentiate between Reese Witherspoon and Kate Hudson in my mind.

My husband might argue that it is probably related to the same brain disfunction that causes my lack of attraction for George Clooney. 

Why I can never say the word repricocity reciprocity correctly. So hard.

Not to mention this list of items. 

Do you know what is not hard? Looking at this face.

                           

How I apply comic books to real life.

Kryptonite. It is not a real thing. But it's totally a real thing.

I differ in many ways from Kryptonite's original victim. Wearing my underwear under my clothes and understanding that glasses are not an effective disguise are just the beginning of that list. 

This list is just about Kryptonite. The fact that the man of steel only has one weakness is totally proof of his superness.

This is a list of my brands of Kryptonite. They are many. Here are five of them.

                                   

Cookies: you guys are aware if this. I talk about food often, and cookies are in my mind and in my belly particularly often. I have a problem. Seeking cookie counseling. I could really eat an entire dozen cookies without even pausing to consider the fact that it isn't good for me, and sometimes I get curious about how many I could eat before I get sick.

Head massage: That thing the wicked witch does when they throw water on her at the end of Wizard of Oz? I do that, except with happy ooooh's and aaaaaah's, slobber coming forth from the corner of my mouth, and crossed eyes. I puddlefy on the spot. A guy that was once interested in me discovered this, and used it as a party trick a couple of times. As in, hey guys, watch this... I become an instantaneous puddle. I didn't think it was very funny. Just very awkward. We didn't date.

Shoes: a typical womanly weakness. Here's the thing, the right shoes can make a bland outfit feel unique or spunky. This is important to me. I hate feeling meh, bleh, blah, or pleh. Shoes are an easy way to avoid that. And it is hard to be too chubby for shoes....unless we are talking about knee length boots. I can never zip those up over my (not even that big) legs. A topic for not right now. In short, shoes can be a quick way to just feel a little better about the world.

Soft Serve Swirl Cones: Yes, another food item makes my top five list of weaknesses. This particular weakness brings on the side of me that C refers to as "baby Karlie". I will mow right over old people on the sidewalk if there is a soft serve place in sight. My voice suddenly jumps up an octave  and my vocabulary shrinks to mostly squeals and laughs. I'm not kidding. Something just...comes over me. The ice cream bliss. Swirl cones in Cars Land and Charlie's in Logan are tied for the win.

HGTV: I argue that this is useful. I have learned SO much about what I want in a home as far as design and aesthetics than I ever would have figured out watching The Walking Dead (ugh) or Community, or trying to figure it out without television or pinterest (can you IMAGINE?). It doesn't hurt that the Income Property guy is the real life Flynn Rider, Property brothers are so cute, and Kitchen Cousins....well who doesn't visually enjoy them. 

Kryptonite. It's a real thing.

It doesn't really count as deception....

Abilities. Skills, if you will. Yesterday I mentioned that I have some. 

I want to mention one of these skills. I noticed it a couple of weeks ago, and had been building it up and perfecting it for sometime without noticing. I'm good. 

I can spend an entire day making messes in the apartment with M (that isn't the skill, but I am really good at it). We spread toys from one end of the apartment to the other, fill the sink with dishes, unroll the toilet paper, smear food all over the table, etc. At some point in the day I look at the clock and notice it is 4:50. Ches will be home in approximately 20 minutes. 

Skill: I take out the garbage that should have been taken out yesterday, wipe down the table and high chair, throw the toys back in their basket, put the new toilet paper roll on the rod instead of the back of the toilet, wash a sink full of dishes, change the baby out of his pajamas....and voila. I finish JUST in time for that face to walk in the door. To him, it seems that I have been on the ball for an entire day. 

If I had this any more honed I would be slow motion running to him in my heels and pearls welcoming him home to the steak and potatoes that are waiting hot and steamy on the table. 


Also, can you see why I am obsessed with this picture? 

What secret skills do you have?

FF

Fist Pumps

I had an appointment in the next town over today. I got home without using my GPS. This is a particularly significant accomplishment for me considering I had to use GPS to get to my grandmother's house even after being there about 43 times.

We got M a new car seat, and it is chevron. I didn't even get to pick the pattern myself, so I was very delighted to see that it was more than acceptable to look upon.

A friend and I walked for about an hour and a half this morning. There were some hills even. The best part was being in good company with good conversation. It made the time spent seem not even half that long. Legs were feeling done by the end, but I would do it again tomorrow.

Face Palms

That drive that I did without my GPS....only has two turns involved. But hey, it was still about 20 miles of unfamiliar road traversed.

While I installed aforementioned attractive car seat, I put Mav in the front on the passenger side floor, so he could play with the radio dials and such. Installing a car seat is a very engrossing business. Two or three minutes elapsed and I realized I hadn't looked up to check on M. I managed to catch him just as his head was colliding with the asphalt. He had climbed over the middle console, and out the driver-side door. All was well. He was rescued the exact second before there would have been injury.

Before leaving for my walk I had the (obviously inspired) thought to put on basketball shorts and my tennis shoes. I ignored it, and put on some jeans and reg-lur shoes.  It has been duly noted that jeans do not breath as well as bb-shorts, no matter how happy you are to be wearing them.

and...its thursday, so Mav and I have been throwin' it back to when photobooth was the only cool way to take photos.

Uncomfortability-ness

It is no secret that I am an awkward person. I am dripping with it. I breath it. If you have talked to me, you could probably see it spewing from my mouth. 

That is just how I am. I'm awkward. I am learning to accept it.

I have mentioned some of my awkward mannerisms before.

The one part of this that I haven't learned to deal with very well, is watching awkward or tense things happen. 

I can't do it. I can't watch.  It makes me SO uncomfortable.

I am not just talking about watching that girl walk down the street thinking that everyone is checking her out, when really she has a trail of toilet paper fluttering behind her. Yes I turn my head aside and cringe. But I am talking about movies, T.V., books. 

I can't even handle awkwardness in non-reality.

I really enjoyed The Office for a while until I realized I spent more time "getting a drink" when Michael Scott was doing something abominable, than actually watching the show. 

I actually get anxiety. I can feel the anxious juices start flooding into all of the corners of my body. (I don't mean that to sound gross. Attaching "juice" to something seems to make it a little on the gross side. Beg your pardon.) I leave the room, close the book, tell husband to inform me when I can watch again. 

I think I may have coping issues.