Bedtime Conversations: On Skype

Me: Heeeeey! I can see your face for the first time in daaaays.

C: (not looking at me) Hey beautiful girl.

Me: (waving my hand in front of the camera) Hello? Should I let you go? Is there something going on in there?

C: Oh, sorry. Its just that I haven't seen t.v. in forever!

Me: Excuse me? You haven't seen what in forever (I helped him by circling my face with my finger)? Want to try that again?

Boy, you're lucky I love ya! Its mostly just because you are so scrumptious to look at.

                                              

Into the West*

Traveling with M was a completely different experience this time than it was when we flew to New Jersey in January.

January: we dropped curb side at the airport very early in the morning, and I went through security by myself with bags and toddler.

June: We parked the car, C walked with us into the airport to help me get bags through check-in, and then he stood in the security line with us. Does getting through security give anyone else unnecessary levels of palm-sweaty anxiety? At the end of the line we learned that you can get a gate pass that will allow you to go through security and stay with loved ones at the gate until they board the plane. Whaaaaaaat? If you knew about this I am mentally glove slapping you for not sharing. They are ladies gloves, and not harmful, but I hope you're feeling repentant.

January: M was still a lap child. This is a good idea for only one reason. It saves money. Even six months ago he was active and mobile enough that keeping him on my lap for five hours of flight time ended up being a challenge.

June: We had our own seats. This made a huuuuuuge difference. I had my own space, and he had his. He got to sit by the window, have his own snack tray to drive cars on, and poke the woman in front of him (thank goodness she was very nice). I got to read a bit, talk to the person on my other side, and even snuck a snack for myself in there. When he fell asleep I was able to just lay his head on my lap, and not worry about his knees or feet bothering our neighbors while I tried to hold him. I could travel with him this way any time.

(C's aunt makes these double sided puzzles, and M is crazy about them. Flipzles. Awesome.)

January: We had a 30 minute layover that barely left us enough time to change a diaper, and rush to our next flight. M didn't have any time to stretch his legs or get a break from me.

June: We had a four hour layover. I was dreading this to begin with, but it ended up being really great for us. We found an empty terminal where M played with his toys and watched the airplanes out the window for about an hour. We walked on the moving sidewalks. We sat down and ate some dinner. We got close to our terminal and pulled out his books. Then it was time to get on our plane. He zonked during take off, and I had to wake him when we landed.

Now we are here enjoying family, having a yard, cooling off in the evening, and playing in the irrigation. Consistently spending more than just and hour or two out of the house every day has made one little boy so happy.

However, there is a man in the mid-west being very much missed.

                

*This song will be played at my funeral. One of you make arrangements accordingly.

Businessy stuff

Relocation seems to have infused itself into the blood of our life. We have been married four years, and lived in six places. Its insane. It is also fun. It is also not fun. We seem to always stay somewhere just long enough to get attached, and then leave. At least we have been some amazing friends this way, and I am awesome at putting things in boxes.

So basically we are in the same family as Marry Poppins and Nanny McPhee...just with dwellings instead of children.

Our lives are currently split between Mahwah, New Jersey, and a little farm somewhere close to Cooperstown in upstate New York. We still have our apartment and things in Minnesota, and will return there come spring. 

We are here just to experience something fun and different. Chesley's flight job practically transforms into a janitorial job in the winter. The weather just isn't conducive to flying or crop dusting (surprise), so he ends up sweeping the hangar floor, or wiping down helicopters over and over and over. He has the wax on, wax off thing mastered, so we are here on the east coast giving maple syrup production a go.

Our dear family friends that are having us here own a maple farm in New York. They always need winter help tapping trees, and Ches has wanted to come out and work for them since he was a teenager. He is spending his days in the snowy maple woods in order to bring certified organic syrupy goodness to the people of the earth. He loves it. He was meant to be an outdoorsman.

M and I stay in New Jersey. They have been wonderful enough to open their home to us for the months we will be here. Their home is big and beautiful and chuck full of toys, so Mav is in heaven. I have read three books in two weeks, so I can't say that I am suffering very much. Ches comes home on the weekends, and there is much rejoicing.

That is all.

On Loving Long Distance. Also, in General

So, Hubster and I have been living apart for a ridiculous amount of time now.  Four months will seem like hogswallop to military wives, but is really practically the entire life of our 5 month old little man. Forgive the melodrama, but he has been gone a LIFETIME! ...literally.

Sidenote: I wish people would look up the definition of the word literally before they would use it in an expression such as, "I literally just put my heart out there. There is nothing else I could have done."  I mean, ouch. Not to mention you must be dead, so I don't blame you for being able to do no more.

There is the possibility of Ches being gone for even longer blocks of time in the future, so I wanted to remember how we handled being apart for so long while still trying to build on our relationship, and have our feelings for each other continue to grow. Stagnant love is stinky love I always say...well not always, but I have said it now! But seriously, love takes effort.


Ches and I express love very differently. We took that cheesy, but valid, love language quiz, and came out in completely different categories.

I am a letter writer, and a vocalizer. I don't use the L-bomb lightly, even in my relationship with my spouse.  I love to receive love letters, and things of that nature.  Flowery expressions of love, and a list of things that one loves about me will make me smile, and get that warm, burny feeling in my heart.

Let me show you what a love letter from my husband looks like...

This beaut is from when we were dating.  I spent a week as a counselor for a youth retreat our church does every summer.  He has done this for me since we have been married as well.  As you can see, our levels of expression are quite different, however I have no doubt that had he had the option, King Tut would have been scrambling to solicit these skills to ornament his sarcophagus.

Ches is a server and a gift giver. I never have to mix up my own fry sauce or go to the fridge to grab my own water bottle.  (There was even one night I didn't have to brush my own teeth.) Each occasion that calls for gifts, I get showered upon (not literally).  needless to say, I am spoiled. I am the loser of the world when it comes to giving thoughtful gifts, and I sometimes get so busy letting Ches do things for me, that it doesn't even cross my mind to think of something he needs.

How do we fit together? How do we know that the other loves us?  Especially from so far away??

Number One: Biggest and most useful advice I could give to any couple anywhere under any circumstance is to try and understand the other person's point of view.  Ches knows that I thrive off of romantic expression in word or script, so he tries. His expressions may not be long, or full of beautiful language, but he DOES it! 

I really do try to be thoughtful in the gifts I give, but haven't been very successful yet. I try to blame it on the fact that our anniversary, his birthday, and Christmas are all within a month, one every two weeks, and who in their right mind can be THAT thoughtful in THAT concentrated of a time period ( I mean really, couldn't his parents have thought through their actions a bit more)...but it is just an excuse. To make up for this I have tried to do things like make the non-fun phone calls, and make sure he has a hot breakfast every morning. If you know a Lewis, you know breakfast is a BIG deal.

We both continue to try, and we are learning a lot about each other.

Number Two: Whether you live together, or are apart for reasons out of your control. Talk ALL THE TIME! Sometimes this isn't an option, but luckily it is for us. Sometimes most of a day will pass, and I will realize that I haven't talked to or heard from my husband really at all. Thinking about this made me realize that sometime we will sit in the same room for an entire evening, and barely talk because we are both so into our own things. SADNESS! When our kids are grown and gone, I don't want to discover that I don't know my husband because we didn't just talk often enough.

We have tried to be better.  Don't feel bad if you are not one of those couples that can talk endlessly always. We have those moments, but most of the time converstaion for us takes thought and effort.  So, at night our FaceTime conversations look like this:

In the end this very wordy post is mostly about those two final things. Whether you are trying to resolve something on which you think differently, or simply trying to learn to love each other more greatly and deeply, talk like you aren't going to be able to talk ever again, but every day, and always try to see through the heart of the other. 

I think Ches is on lunch break. I'm going to call him now.