On Truth

The thoughts flying through my mind tonight wont settle.

They are unpopular.

It seems that everywhere I turn, I see this idea of relative truth. This idea that people can create truth individual to their own taste, or their own life. This ideology is smothering society's consciousness of real Truth.

Folks, Truth is black and white. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. Truth. Is. Truth, and will remain so even if there is no one left believing.

I do not pretend to have a full understanding of what all Truths are, but I know a God who does.

I know a God who has written Eternal Laws. These laws cannot, and will not change.

Part of me wishes that some of them could change. There are people that I love and admire that are gay. My admiration of them is sincere and total. Their sexuality in no way affects how I personally feel about them. I truly want them to find life partners, and be happy.

That being said, I would defend the law of Marriage being between a man and a woman every time because that is the law of God. I can not regard the opinion of anyone, no matter how high they may be in my esteem, more than I regard the word and laws of God.

I do not believe the Lord doesn't want gay people to be happy. I believe that He loves them, and understands them. I don't begin to understand why this particular law is what it is, and why it is such a struggle. But, it is Truth.

This is just one of many Eternal Laws that are being relitivized by today's society. 

I must live the Truth as I feel it in my heart. My Father in Heaven has proved himself to me too many times for me to doubt Him. His hand is simply too obvious in my life.

So, I stand for the Truth I know, and lovingly ask for understanding and acceptance.

I will grant the same to you.

Embarrassing mix-ups, and, oh how I love it when its not me.

Remember those times that I missed the obvious? Remember how I mixed up 'pubic', and 'cuticle'?

facepalm.

I'm still occasionally discovering new embarrassingly obvious facts that I've managed to never understand, but it would simply be selfish to talk more about myself.

I want to make you all feel a little less embarrassed about something outrageous that you've said or mixed up by relating a mix up that someone distantly connected with me made a while back.

In saying that we are distantly connected, I mean the far off connection one has with someone who gave birth to and/or raised them. But, I digress.

The aforementioned, unidentified person to whom I refer has had very serious back and neck problems from birth. During a surgical procedure her doctor, who was unaware of these conditions, positioned her neck in such a way that caused a lot of pain and problems when she awoke from the surgery.

While having a consultation for a follow-up procedure she made sure to mention to the doctor (who happens to be one of the most stoic, refined, and conservative people I've ever met), that she has genital fusion in her neck, so they would need to be a bit more careful.

...

Unsure looks, and and awkward silence were finally broken by my father another distant acquaintance mentioning to the doctor that she must mean congenital fusion.

Genital versus congenital. With the possibility of fusion going on here, I feel like we would need to be pretty sure about which we were speaking.

Thank goodness it was quickly cleared up, or the doctor may have thought he had a medical phenomenon on his hands.

Is it naughty that I find so much comfort in the fact that my blunders are less hilarious than these? I mean, we have also had to make sure she is very conscious of using the words 'sacrum' and 'scrotum' in the correct context.

Very confusing. Also, I hope I still have a family now.

Whining STINKS

It's raaaaaaaaaaaning, which means we don't get to go outside today, but it also means that things will grow and get green and beautiful and lurvley. It also means I could eat something with 'sprinkles' in order to add theme to my day.

Our apartment is partially underground (We just cant completely give up hobbit living), so the windows are right at ground level outside. This morning we came in from an early appointment, and there was the reddest, most gorgeous, most delightful little cardinal right next to window. M was fascinated. He called to it through the window to come back for several minutes after it had flown away.

I booked the flight for M and I to get to Utah this summer. After C worked a few 14ish hour days this week it made me very grateful that I have the option of going to family while he works that many hours every day for months. How stellar is modern transportation and communication?!

M is growing and learning in a manner and at a rate that seems out of control to me. It is so fun to watch and gets me good and tired by bed time. Seriously, kids are a wonder to behold.

I have made real dinner like, three days in a row. That gives me a pass tonight right? Yusssssssss.

                   

The only reason I would want to live through the 80's as an adult

I was thinking the other day about how so many of the women I know within a few years of my age are pregnant.

And hey, in case my attempt at clever announcements were missed, I'm pregnant too!

I thought about how insane it is that so many of us are experiencing it at once, and how young we all are, and how we half-way feel like the phase of life we are going through should still somehow be beyond us.

Then I thought about how social media has tremendously changed this experience for women.

I mean, I went to school with a graduating class of over 400, so I am pretty sure there were some other women pregnant around the same time as my mom. But my mom didn't post pregnancy announcements on facebook for all of her old middle school acquaintances to be able to see. She just showed up at her 10 year reunion with four kids, and said, "As you can see, I've been busy!"

I am kind of jealous of that privacy. I am jealous that the moms of the generations before us got to feel a little more one in a million about being pregnant instead of feeling like, "How do I announce this in a new and creative way as to not get totally lost in the crowd of (wonderful and hopefully ecstatic) other people making the exact same announcement?"

Part of me wishes I was living this life 20 years ago when I only called my mom and my closest friends, and family found out through the grape-vine. But I don't.

I am not sad or upset that anyone else is pregnant; please don't misunderstand. I am simply trying to learn to still make this a precious and personal experience. I know, posting announcement to social media was absolutely my decision. I didn't have to, and I may choose not to in the future.

There are great things about it too. Being able to reach out to other moms online when I've felt clueless has been a big comfort.

I don't think there is any way for this post to not sound a little selfish, but I am a little selfish.

The end

Here's the thing

Blogging seems scary now.

I've started to feel like there are expectations I can't meet. 

Then I ask myself from where these expectations are coming, and I have absolutely no answer to that. 

That ongoing and important topic of women comparing the messiness of their every day lives to the perfect photo-op moments that make it on to other womens' blogs has an effect here I am sure. 

I mean, I use vscocam, and damn if some of those filters don't do magic 

Sorry mom. I said damn, which I never say, and will refrain from saying again.

But really, life his more like this:

You see it?

Yeah. This is real.

Real life is seems like I am out of focus devouring bites of toast in a hospital gown while my boys are stunning and wonderful, and seem to be so much more than I deserve. 

I mean look at that man. You can tell how I end up with a busy uterus. Sorry. Too much? 

I'm afraid that sometimes I blog to meet these superfluous expectations, and forget to do it because I love to express myself, and it makes me happy. Dumb.

Double dumb.

Here is to fuzzy backgrounds and eating food in as unladylike a manner as is necessary. 

The kind of things I shouldn't say

Being a mom has been hard lately. Lately being for the last eight weeks or so. Winter makes a mother's confidence shrivel to a fraction of itself. I have found myself wishing that I could just let someone else take care of M for a while. I'm not a bad mom. I'm a tired mom. All moms want to ship their children to the other side of the country at least pretty often.

I'm failing at liking my body today. I'll try again tomorrow.

Dishes have been sitting in the sink for at least 24 hours.

It took me two weeks to put two letters in the mail. It took me five minutes.

I let my not-quite-two year old watch about an hour of television every day. I don't count the hours that shows may be on for me. He doesn't really pay attention to Say Yes To The Dress.

And you know what, I still think my life is pretty good, that I'm a pretty good mom, and that there is something sexy about me. I do have a child, and we know how those come about: by being sexy.

I have always had an overactive imagination

I saw my friend Jess the day before I left Brigham City to come back to Le Sueur. We talked about her upcoming move across the country to where her husband will be going to school. We were only able to chat for about one minute, then I had to take the donuts I was buying out to devour my share to anxiously waiting family. She mentioned our meeting on her (completely awesome) blog, and it got me thinking.

I found myself thinking about moving. Moving across the country, far from what is familiar. It made me remember the anticipation of wondering how it would be, what the people would be like, how I would fit in and find new friends, what color the sky would be. You know. Thinking about how my life would carry on at all.

I remember the first walk I went on by myself in this new little town.  It was January, and just as you might imagine, Minnesota's offerings of pleasant walking weather in January might mean 30 degrees. It was quite cold. I had had a long day alone with the baby, and Ches urged me to get out for a few minutes when he got home from work.

No one else was outside. It was only rows of cold, stoic house fronts, and tightly shut doors. In my mind I imagined the occupants of those silent houses looking out their peep holes, or through their lacy curtains, and shaking their heads,whitened with age and wisdom, that someone who didn't belong in their town was walking down the sidewalk. It all felt very melancholy and dramatic. I believe I even imagined someone opening their door to throw something at me.

It all seems very silly now that I am settled in, and growing familiar with this place, but the images that surfaced in my head as I shuffled down that uneven sidewalk were true to how I was feeling: unknown, a little lost, out of place, and apprehensive.

So Jess, let me tell you something. You'll have your own walk in January. But, let me tell you something else. After you get back inside, and your husband has made you a cup of cocoa, and put chicken nuggets in the oven, so you don't have to cook dinner, life keeps going on. Not only does it keep going on, it starts to feel normal in a way you never anticipated was possible so far from where you had always been before.

Then, at some point, it starts to feel like its own version of home.

                                 

I was hiding under a bush, so to speak.

Fear is something I have in abundance. I am afraid of a lot of things. Much to my chagrin, a lot of my fears have to do with what I think other people will think of me. Like every human being, I battle feelings of inadequacy. 

I'm working on it.

One of my biggest fears has always been talking about my faith. The faith that I have in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The faith that I have in Jesus Christ as my Savior, in living prophets, in studying the word of God, in serving people. I also believe in being good and kind to all people, no matter how they may differ from me. 

Growing up in Utah where the overwhelming majority of people went to the same church, meant that I took people's beliefs for granted. 

I was also afraid of putting my testimony, my soul out there on the line only to have it scoffed at or rejected harshly. 

Going to College helped me learn that even in Utah, people are diverse and believe many things. I also learned that there are a lot of non-Mormon people in Utah that find the church or some of its members annoying,overbearing, or even offensive. The idea of becoming that person scared me enough to almost never talk about religion with people outside of the Mormon community. We just talked about everything else instead. Occasionally friends would ask me questions, and I would answer them quickly, and try to move on in order to get out of the danger zone.

Facepalm.

I am trying not to be afraid anymore. 

I'm a Mormon. I adore being a Mormon. The knowledge of the Gospel gives me a foundation and a direction that I could not get anywhere else. I have a close relationship with a Heavenly Father who knows me very well, and makes his presence obvious in my life by answering my endless prayers, and extending tender mercies when I feel like I am nearing the end of my capacity to cope. 

I have now had the chance to have wonderful, non-scary talks with friends about my testimony. Even if they aren't that curious, so far, no one has been scary or unkind. Its not like we are talking about politics...its just religion right? :D

In order to help me really move past this dumbly immense fear I have created for myself, I am going to start posting once in a while about some of the things I love about my Faith. If spiritual things annoy you or make you uncomfortable, feel free to skip those posts. I won't mind. Don't worry about this blog becoming a bible school. Not going to happen. I will continue to make other posts as well. 

If you are ever curious about anything I post, please don't hesitate to ask me through the comments or an email. If you don't want to ask, the church's website holds many answers and resources. 

Here is to the end of fear.

I am in mourning about sex

A question has been on my mind for months now. I can't shake it. I am swallowed with sadness every time I think about it. 


Why is casual intimacy a thing, a very very common thing even? Why is fidelity dying? 

I watch a lot of New Girl. I adore it. Its clever and funny and delightful. However, one thing that has bothered me from the beginning is the casualness with which they talk about sex. They are intimate with people they don't know, and at one point Schmit expresses distress when he realizes he is in love, and now has to have feelings in order to take pleasure in sex. 

I am so sickened. Its not just New Girl. Its EVERY show. ew.

How are we so off the mark as an entire society.

Relationships are not easy. This is not new news. Putting two lives together takes communication and compromise. It always will. 

Good relationships take a good esophagus that is equipped to swallow lots and lots of pride. I have had an awful lot of practice apologizing through gritted teeth because I knew it was what I should do, but far from what my ego wanted me to do. I am not tooting my own horn. I am not perfect. I haven't done the right thing every time. My pride wins out in turns.

I am not a relationship expert, but here is what I think. Teenagers shouldn't be having sex. Twelve year olds should be roller skating, not worrying about being popular or getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. Married couples should stay married, unless divorce is really the best option (Which I acknowledge totally does happen. Abuse of any kind and other kinds of issues of that nature do not apply to my point). 

I don't believe people just fall out of love. That is poop. Forgive my French. At least one of the people in that relationship stopped trying. They stopped doing things for their spouse, they stopped holding hands. They stopped saying 'I love you' every day. They stopped discovering each other. What are relationships without discovery? I am not saying every day of the rest of your life with the same person is never going to seem mundane. It will. But it won't always. 


This whole post is a bit disconnected,and far from my best attempt at prose, but this topic is important. So important.

Lets take a little, or a lot, of the sex out of our media and society, and save it for people who are ready to commit to each other until the end. Save it to be special and precious.

In the mean time, talk, walk, and have adventures to get to know each other instead of taking off clothes. 

How love and belly button lint connect

Lets talk about love for a minute.

I keep seeing things in books, television, and movies, that try to suggest that love and attraction should start as an intense, irresistible chemistry, and that the intensity should never fade. 

Your skin should burn every time his skin touches your skin. Even when his elbow accidentally touches your arm because he is taking way too wide of an eating berth at the table. Smoldery burniness along side ,"please pass the salt". 

Stephanie Meyer tells lies. Hollywood tells lies. Karen Carpenter tells lies.

I love Karen Carpenter as much as anyone, but she sometimes sings untruths with that buttery voice. Lies stolen from Barry Manilow. 

I was singing this song while doing dishes the other day, and realized how awful the lyrics are:

At any moment he'll be walking through that doorBut he won't find me behind it'Cause the feeling is gone and just won't come back any moreI worked so hard to find it
I've been up, down, tryin' to get the feeling againAll around tryin' to get the feeling againThat one that made me shiverMake my knees start to quiver every time he walks in
I've read every book, looked for every meditation and poemJust to bring home that old sweet sensationBut it ain't no use to me to try to get the feelingI wanna get that feeling again

KJ Translates: (ahem) I am going to disappear mysteriously from your life because you aren't exciting anymore. I don't get all melty around you. I miss feeling melty. I haven't really liked you for a while now, so I read a couple meditation books about how to find you exciting again, but they were garbage. Ciao.

 What rubbish!


C and I never had this burning, irresistible chemistry. You may not believe it
when you see this picture from his junior year in high school....who could not feel warm fuzziness in their hearts while looking at that?!

Adorable even underneath that permed mop. I digress, as usual. 

Anyway, we were just two people who got along really well,(after a few months of me grudgingly holding on to an unfounded dislike) gave dating a try, and here we are! Love is vital to my life, and can be so exciting, but it isn't all fireworks and passion (maybe I'm missing out? But it actually sounds exhausing).

Love is eating your own pride for breakfast, and trying to keep it down for the rest of day.  

Love is NOT running when the newness and excitement wears off, and it will. I am not saying that relationships can't start with sparks and that knee quivery feeling, but realize that it wears off! Besides, you would end up with really bad knees, and probably get annoyed if it didn't wear off.  

Love is making yourself hold his hand in the car when you are super mad because you know you can't stay mad too long that way. 

Love is learning to not freak out when he throws is belly button lint into your hair because he knows it freaks you out. He kills the big bugs, so...

*disclaimer for C's benefit. He has done this only one and a half times. It was so traumatic that he will never live it down.

Point: Don't read Stephanie Meyer or watch any movie ever again. Pfff. Yeah right. Watch those delightful romantic comedies. Read those silly, books if you must. Enjoy them while recognizing that they pretty much don't portray any part of reality.

Use them to escape, and don't get too upset when belly button lint floating in front of your face pulls you back into a real and loving reality. 

This Book: Chapter Four

I finally got to the next chapter in Neal A's book. It. Is. Phenomenal. 

If it wasn't obnoxious I would just type out the entire chapter. 

If you haven't read any of the previous posts on "Meek and Lowly", click on the meek and lowly label at the bottom of this post, and start at the beginning. 

This chapter is titled "The Deadly Sin of Pride". I was cringing going in to it because I know pride is one of my problems. I'm working on it. Here are a few of my favorite excerpts. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

"Just as meekness is in all our virtues so pride is in all our sins"

"The pervasiveness of pride and the degree to which it is persistent in our lives must ever put us on guard, reminding us, as did Paul, not to be 'highminded, 'for we stand by faith.' (Romans 11:20.) Faith dissolves very quickly when meekness disappears and pride takes over."

"One reason to be particularly on guard against pride is that 'the devilish strategy of Pride is that it attacks us, not in our weakest points, but in our strongest. It is preeminently the sin of the noble mind.' Not only of the noble mind, but also of the semirighteious."

"Pride can begin incipiently and gradually, but with frightening prospects, as Joseph Smith pointed out: 'The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power."

"It is a heroic thing for individuals to reverse themselves, their attitudes, and their patterns of behavior in order to pursue discipleship." 

"Self-control depend upon meekness....A furious man is out of control. Individuals who are meek may not always decipher what is happening to them or around them; however, even though they do not 'know the meaning of all things,' they know that the Lord loves them.' (1 Nephi 11:17) They may feel overwhelmed, but they are not out of control. In those moments, it is important for us to remember His counsel: 'Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)"

"There are many persons just waiting to be offended; certain they will not be treated fairly, they almost invite the verification of their expectation."

"The meek man, is the man of complete self-mastery"

"Rocks of offense or stones of stumbling keep the proud from making spiritual progress. No less destructive is what might be called the gravel of grumpiness, which keeps us off balance and annoyingly turns ankles. Even though we do not fully fall or stumble, we progress more slowly, painfully, and fitfully. The meek, however, make stepping-stones of stumbling blocks."

"Those who fear losing face cannot have [Christ's] image in their countenances" (Almost 5:14).

"Arrogance and disobedience are cellmates."

"Those who boast of their independence from God are like the goldfish in a bowl who regards himself as self-sufficient."

"Nor is spiritual learning automatically at odds with secular learning; it simply goes beyond."

"Being more open to the truth, the meek are more free, while the proud are compassed about with glitzed self sufficiency."

"Those who are meek are also unthreatened in their own commitment merely because others do not make that same commitment."

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

There was SO much more I could have put here. Seriously amazing stuff. 

What do you think about these quotes from Elder Maxwell?

I may fail

One of my life goals is to become a fluent conversationalist.

I have talked about my awkward conversation quirks before, and my difficulty in keeping up flowing conversation is something that causes me to face palm regularly. I can't tell you the number of times I have walked away from conversations with new people wanting to stick pins into my eyes.

I hope I never meet any celebrities for which I have any admiration, because I am pretty sure they would walk away thinking I was a complete moron. 

Seriously, it is a miracle I can function in the adult world.

There is one question that people ask that I dread and trip over more than any of the others. It should be simple enough to answer. Its not. 

Let me walk you through my mental fall apart.

"So, what do you like to do?"

Brain: Crap. I only like to read. I mean I LIKE to do other things but I am either not good at them, or don't do them regularly enough to feel honest in announcing it as a frequented activity.

Me: Oh, not very much. I like to read and blog, but I pretty much just hang out with Maverik all day. Being a mom takes a lot of time.

Brain: Why don't I do anything cool! I want this person to think I am somewhat interesting, but I sound so UN-interesting. Its not like I can say I like skydiving, I've only been one time.I need to start being artistic or crafty so I can talk about making something....or something. I like going outside, hiking, boating, but am not like super-granola or anything. I made a jean quilt once, but it is falling apart now. I eat processed foods, not healthy conversation topics. They don't have a child, so I can't talk about baby things. Do I think about anything other than poop and nap time anymore? Oh, M is trying to eat the table.

conversation lulls.

Me: awkward smile. act like I need something in my purse or like I got a text message. Talk to M as if her were actually listening, and it is very important. 

Brain: Oh, I guess I could return the question? But, has it lulled too long now? Will I be blurting it out of nowhere at this point?

Me: Become very intent on my meal, and make sure you swallow before you talk if they ask you something else.



I'm hopeless. Anyone out there give smooth talker lessons?

This Book: Chapter Three

This chapter was titled "Humbleness of Mind", which is something in which I need much personal practice. There is a lot here, but, again, it is marvelous and enlightening. 

I want to emphasize,once again, that this is different from my normal posts, but it was something that because personally important to me. We will return to light heartedness tomorrow :)

Original post and explanation of this book here.

"Meekness of mind is essential, salvationally. It is likewise vital if we are to experience true intellectual growth and to heighten our understanding of the great realities of the universe. Such meekness is a friend to, not a foe of, true education."

If we look only at the outside things, we will miss what the scriptures tell us of the process of deepening discipleship."

"The meek make way for divine data even when these can be both dislocating of pride and startling to the intellect."

"...Great stress must be placed upon the need for intellectual meekens --'humbleness of mind.' Meekness is not a passive attribute that merely deflects discourtesty. Instead, it involves intellectual activism."

"Alas, most are quite content with a superficial understanding or a general awareness of spiritual things.(Alma 10:5-6) This condition may reflect either laziness or the busyness incident to the pressing cares of the world."

"Great knowledge in response to the great questions will alter how we view both great and small things, if we are intellectually honest."

"[Jesus] was meekly and spiritually submissive because He had first been intellectually submissive. Having first made room for great knowledge and great understanding, He later made room for greater responsibilities and awesome burdens. Unlike Him, some of us run from the implications and responsibilities of the doctrines in which we believe. Even when 'the judgments of God stare [us] in the face' (Helaman 4:23), some of us 'spurn at the doings of the Lord'(3 Nephi 29:4)."

"Thus meekness is so vital -- not only to introduce us to new knowledge but also to put down pride, which could keep us from facing and submitting to the implications of that knowledge, especially when responsibilities previously agreed to and understood must be finally me and endured will to the end"

"Intellectual meekness is a particular challenge, Without it, we are not intellectually open to things we 'never had supposed'". 

"Some wish to be neither shaken nor expanded by new spiritual data. It is quite a step, for instance, to move from passive belief in an immaterial, impersonal life-force god to a belief in a God who is indeed our Heavenly Father and in whose image we have been created. This latter God, the only true and living God, behaves just like a Perfect Father, loving us, reproving us, stretching us, teaching us, and, yes, making demands of us.

"It is also a major move from using one's doubts as a cover for errant behavior to having those doubts taken away by truth with the resultant need to humbly alter one's behavior."

"Meekness emancipates us from the prison of the secular mind, the proud mind."

"Those who are proud of mind demand extrinsic evidence...On the other hand, those who are humble and meek seek, by faith, to understand truth. They are comfortable with intrinsic as well as extrinsic evidence. They know that 'faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen' (Hebrews 11:1)."

If you made it through all of that, I would love to start a conversation with all of your thoughts on meekness and what it really means.

Not to stereotype...

But husband and I recently had a conversation of which the catalyst was this statement:

"I could have been the trench coat kid." 

Let me rewind. We had been on a walk a few weeks earlier into a part of town we hadn't walked before. We didn't see anyone the entire time until we were just around the corner from our street, and about a block ahead of us was a teenage boy in a trench coat that looked like he was carrying a bag of books. There are kids that look just like this in every town, just as surely as there is the kid with the flat brimmed hat, and the really loud bass in his car.

I told Ches that if I was that boy, and there had been people walking behind me for a few blocks, I would totally think that I was being deliberately followed, and was in danger (I may or may not think this when the same car is behind me for more than five minutes on the road). 

As soon as I finished saying the word danger, the kid started running. He kept running. We didn't see him stop running because we turned off on to our own street. I laughed hard, and then I started thinking about the trench coat kid.

We all know the kids in high school that were still into pokemon and anime and twenty book fantasy series. There is nothing wrong with liking anime. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a fantasy book. There is nothing wrong with feeling dapper in a trench coat(I think David Tennant proved that rather successfully). So, where did this whole persona come from? 

This is how the conversation was going. And then I stopped, looked at Chesley, and said,"I could have been the trench coat kid."

I realized that it is all about enjoying imagination and fantasy and other worlds, which we all do to some extent when it comes to entertainment. The trench coat kid happens when their reality is bad enough, that they refuse to completely leave the fantasy world behind. 

Sometimes the negative in their reality is something they see only because they are a teenager. But, most of the time, these kids have it so much rougher than we realize. Home is not a happy place. They have more responsibility than someone their age ever should. There is no way for us to know for sure. 

The only reason I wasn't a trench coat kid is because the reality I came back into after I spent time in these other worlds was good. It grounded me. 

Point, smile kindly at the kid with the trench coat. Try not to make him think that his lovely afternoon walk to return his library books has taken a sour, potentially life threatening turn.

On Loving Long Distance. Also, in General

So, Hubster and I have been living apart for a ridiculous amount of time now.  Four months will seem like hogswallop to military wives, but is really practically the entire life of our 5 month old little man. Forgive the melodrama, but he has been gone a LIFETIME! ...literally.

Sidenote: I wish people would look up the definition of the word literally before they would use it in an expression such as, "I literally just put my heart out there. There is nothing else I could have done."  I mean, ouch. Not to mention you must be dead, so I don't blame you for being able to do no more.

There is the possibility of Ches being gone for even longer blocks of time in the future, so I wanted to remember how we handled being apart for so long while still trying to build on our relationship, and have our feelings for each other continue to grow. Stagnant love is stinky love I always say...well not always, but I have said it now! But seriously, love takes effort.


Ches and I express love very differently. We took that cheesy, but valid, love language quiz, and came out in completely different categories.

I am a letter writer, and a vocalizer. I don't use the L-bomb lightly, even in my relationship with my spouse.  I love to receive love letters, and things of that nature.  Flowery expressions of love, and a list of things that one loves about me will make me smile, and get that warm, burny feeling in my heart.

Let me show you what a love letter from my husband looks like...

This beaut is from when we were dating.  I spent a week as a counselor for a youth retreat our church does every summer.  He has done this for me since we have been married as well.  As you can see, our levels of expression are quite different, however I have no doubt that had he had the option, King Tut would have been scrambling to solicit these skills to ornament his sarcophagus.

Ches is a server and a gift giver. I never have to mix up my own fry sauce or go to the fridge to grab my own water bottle.  (There was even one night I didn't have to brush my own teeth.) Each occasion that calls for gifts, I get showered upon (not literally).  needless to say, I am spoiled. I am the loser of the world when it comes to giving thoughtful gifts, and I sometimes get so busy letting Ches do things for me, that it doesn't even cross my mind to think of something he needs.

How do we fit together? How do we know that the other loves us?  Especially from so far away??

Number One: Biggest and most useful advice I could give to any couple anywhere under any circumstance is to try and understand the other person's point of view.  Ches knows that I thrive off of romantic expression in word or script, so he tries. His expressions may not be long, or full of beautiful language, but he DOES it! 

I really do try to be thoughtful in the gifts I give, but haven't been very successful yet. I try to blame it on the fact that our anniversary, his birthday, and Christmas are all within a month, one every two weeks, and who in their right mind can be THAT thoughtful in THAT concentrated of a time period ( I mean really, couldn't his parents have thought through their actions a bit more)...but it is just an excuse. To make up for this I have tried to do things like make the non-fun phone calls, and make sure he has a hot breakfast every morning. If you know a Lewis, you know breakfast is a BIG deal.

We both continue to try, and we are learning a lot about each other.

Number Two: Whether you live together, or are apart for reasons out of your control. Talk ALL THE TIME! Sometimes this isn't an option, but luckily it is for us. Sometimes most of a day will pass, and I will realize that I haven't talked to or heard from my husband really at all. Thinking about this made me realize that sometime we will sit in the same room for an entire evening, and barely talk because we are both so into our own things. SADNESS! When our kids are grown and gone, I don't want to discover that I don't know my husband because we didn't just talk often enough.

We have tried to be better.  Don't feel bad if you are not one of those couples that can talk endlessly always. We have those moments, but most of the time converstaion for us takes thought and effort.  So, at night our FaceTime conversations look like this:

In the end this very wordy post is mostly about those two final things. Whether you are trying to resolve something on which you think differently, or simply trying to learn to love each other more greatly and deeply, talk like you aren't going to be able to talk ever again, but every day, and always try to see through the heart of the other. 

I think Ches is on lunch break. I'm going to call him now.