bedtime conversations: ladies-wear

K: those pants are still so tight that if I popped out of them they'd shoot me right into the upper atmosphere.

C: Like Pecos Bill's wife. Well, that was because she was wearing a bussle.

K: I thought that was because she sat on his horse...

C: That started it, but it was more about the bussle. It bounces.

....mostly I'm just delighted that C knows about bussles. 

Bedtime Conversations: On Skype

Me: Heeeeey! I can see your face for the first time in daaaays.

C: (not looking at me) Hey beautiful girl.

Me: (waving my hand in front of the camera) Hello? Should I let you go? Is there something going on in there?

C: Oh, sorry. Its just that I haven't seen t.v. in forever!

Me: Excuse me? You haven't seen what in forever (I helped him by circling my face with my finger)? Want to try that again?

Boy, you're lucky I love ya! Its mostly just because you are so scrumptious to look at.

                                              

Bedtime Conversations: A Mini - Monologue

Dinner eaten. Bed time stories in progress. C cleaning up dinner after math.

I hear a drawer open. 

"My arch-nemesis. We meet again." 

He really hates the plastic wrap. But I will keep him.

Bedtime Conversations: On humor and my inability to understand the male mind.

Me: I can't believe television shows are still using the same innuendos and inappropriate contexts to be funny. Its obscene. Haven't all of the nasty jokes been told by now? How do people still think its funny? It is completely unoriginal.

C: Its like watching Home Alone. No matter how many times you watch it it will still make you laugh even though you have seen it a bajillion times. It is still funny.

Me: Did you just compare an endearing holiday classic of our childhoods to unintelligent dirty humor? 

C: Yep. 

*insert my perturbed face

Bedtime Conversations: Five minutes ago, Rootbeer float night, potty talk

*If you don't like potty talk, I recommend scrolling down to a different post.

Ches: I have to go to the bathroom

Me: Do you care if I come in to brush my teeth?

Ches: I don't think you'll want to.

Me: Oh THAT kind of bathroom visit.

Ches: It was the icecream.

Me: If it does that to you, why do you eat it?

Ches: That is like asking me why I breath.

.....touché

Bedtime Conversations: An iffy topic

Disclaimer: You really might not want to know this. 

Ches: Don't you hate it when you sit on the toilet so long that you get that ring on your bum? I mean, sometimes you just get distracted with what you are reading, and when you finally get up your are practically sealed down.

Me: Um. That is weird. 

Ches: That happened to me one time at elk camp, which was even worse because we just have a seat that we put over a hole, and the flies crawl on you.

Me: On your bum?

Ches: Yes. It kind of feels like this...(he tries to tickle my behind. I don't like being tickled.He got smacked.)

Me: You are WEIRD, but I like you.

Bedtime Conversations

Me: My nose is running running running. I gotta go wipe it.

Ches: Then we can go sit on the bed and watch Doctor Who on your computer.

Me: Do I have to wear my pants?

Ches: No. Are you tired of them?

Me: Yes.


I mean really. Don't you get tired of wearing pants?

Bedtime Conversations: A Recap

While we were at my little brother's middle school production of Brigadoon a few months ago 

(which took place around my bedtime), 

we had the following exchange. 

Me: "We aren't really in love. We have never sung to each other like that" 

("like that" meaning awkwardly clasping both hands together 

while trying to sing without puberty interfering with our ability to hit the right note)

Husband: "Whatever." (body turn in auditorium seat, singing voice engaged)

"Whatya gonna do with all that junk? All that junk up in your trunk"

Commence disturbing those around us with poorly stifled laughter.

Bedtime Conversations: A serious look at addiction

Me: Hey babe! I figured out a way to limit my otterpop in-take.

Ches: How's that?

Me: I only freeze one sleeve at a time! Then I can only eat as many as are frozen.

Ches:.....How many are on a sleeve?

Me:.....Ten or Twelve.....

Ches: You have a serious problem.

Bedtime Conversations: This Very Night, concerning animal attacks, She's the Man, and me? or the raccoon?

Me: I'm not quite sure how you can still find me attractive with this weird shape and large size my body has taken on.

Ches: I know what your body is doing. Besides, I always think you're hot. Raccoon scratches and all.

 (can you guess what those are? hm??)

Me: My body is pretty much going to be deformed for the rest of my life now. I'm going to have to learn to be okay with it. What would you do if the raccoon had attacked my face?

Ches: I'd kiss the crap out of it.

Bedtime Conversations: Texting Edition

Me: I made it home. Did you get to work on time?

Ches: Yup. Even a few minutes early. How was your shot?

Me: Not bad at all. It was in my bum, which is plenty padded.

Ches: Haha thats great. I hate shots in the bum.

Me: Better than shots in the face :) (This was clever because he had been shot twice in the face at paintball the night before, and was sporting some obvious marks)

Ches: Lol. too shae

Me:............. You mean touche? :D

Ches..........I've heard it both ways.

Bedtime Conversations: Part 4

Large yawn.

Me: Can you see my uvula?

Husband: Yes. I always knew you were a girl.

Bedtime Conversations: Part 3

Ches: Will you rub my back? I have a weird knot in the middle by my spine that doesn't feel too good.

Me: Yeah come here.  What'd you do?

Ches: I think I slept funny.

Me: Well, you should try sleeping serious.

Ches: Um....

Me: Well, at least I think I'm funny.....

Bedtime Conversations: Part 2 (also a lesson on embracing uncontrolable sleeping habits)

Me: Ches, we cant cuddle like this. My sleeping slobber will roll down the pillow hill into your eyes.

Husband: I don't like slobber rolling down the pillow hill into my eyes...hey...is that my favorite ninja turtle pillow case?!

Me:......I already slobbered on it last night